Overcome New Baby + Older Siblings Struggles

The stories abound about the trouble many parents have with welcoming their second, third, or fourth baby to their home. There is so much talk of sibling rivalry and problems with their older children accepting the new baby. The older children will definitely notice a difference when their new little brother or sister arrives. The new baby takes mom and dad away for a few days at the hospital, she/he needs constant attention, and does little to reward the older siblings in the first few weeks. Plus all the changes before the baby is even born. These include mom not getting as much sleep, getting the baby’s room ready, buying things for baby, etc.

Include your Older Children with Baby

Our children recognize that something is different. They know that changes are coming, but aren’t really sure the exact changes to come. We have found that including our older children in the preparation and conversations goes a long way to helping them to welcome their new little sister or brother.

I have brought them to ultrasound appointments to see the new baby, hear the baby’s heartbeat, and even ask the doctor questions. My oldest sat on my lap during stress tests with my third child. This lets them feel like part of the conversation and begins to build the bond before baby is ever born.

Snuggle them when you are pregnant. Let them sing a special song to the baby or share a story. If your older child is learning to read, have them practice reading to their little sibling.

Give Them a Job to Help with Baby

Throughout the pregnancy, let your older children help out with things for the baby. My children loved to help set up the baby’s space, organize the clothes, go shopping for baby things, and feel the baby move in mom’s tummy. They also always loved trying to guess the gender of the baby: we never found out before baby was born. If you do find out the gender, consider letting your older children tell some important people the big news. All these little things help them to feel important and show them what a big help they will be when their new baby is born.

Buy a Special Present for Older Children and Baby

Right before baby is expected, we always took our older children to buy the baby a special present. Each children got to pick out something to give to their little brother or sister. In return, “the baby” always got each of them a present too. These were exchanged in the hospital the first time the older children came to visit their new little sister or brother.

The big kids loved getting something from their new baby and this helped to pass the time until mom and baby could be released from the hospital. This was a life saver for dad or the grandparents too. Try to pick out toys your older children will love, but that will also take time to do. We love Lego sets, a new video game, puzzles, crafts, and coloring books and supplies. If summer time is nearing, you may want an outdoor activity too so that you newborn has an opportunity to nap with her older siblings home.

These little presents helped our older children feel special during this busy time. Mom and Dad are so busy welcoming the new baby and so much focus is put on her. Often times your older children may feel a little neglected or left out. A present from baby gave them just a little extra love when both parents are feeling extra drained.

The new toys for baby encouraged the older children to interact with their little one and begin to form that lasting relationship. Our children loved to bring out the toy they bought for their little. They would often encourage their sibling to play with the special toy they picked out.

Gifts for Older Siblings that We Love

• Lego Sets
• Craft Sets
• Coloring Books
• Video Games
• Puzzles or board games
• Special art supplies
• Books
• Apps for tablets
• Building Sets
• Sports Equipment they can use without an adult
• Outdoor games or slip and slide/sprinklers

Plan a Special Visit for Older Children

For the actual delivery and day or two after, we always planned a special sleepover for our older children. They helped to pack everything up and would keep it ready just in case. Our children loved helping pack their special bag and it became a constant conversation about their new sibling coming into the world and their special sleepover every time they saw the bag. See the Multitasking Mom for some ideas on what to pack for mom, baby, and even the siblings too!

We were blessed enough to have grandparents that lived close by and welcomed their grandchildren for a sleepover – even when there were three! You can have a sitter on call, aunt or uncle, older cousin, even a neighbor. Any other adult who is willing to welcome your children into their home or stay at your home with them. You can even plan a trip to a local hotel.

Talking with your kids about the hospital stay for mom and baby, plus dad, and building up the special time with their family always helped with the transition to bringing home the new baby. Our kids liked knowing what was going to happen. They asked a lot of questions, especially about how long it would be and when we would be home. You may not be able to give exacts as you never know how delivery will go, but reassure them that it is a short time and they will get to come meet the baby soon.

Set Up a Time for Your Children to Meet their New Sister/Brother

We always coordinated with the grandparents to bring our older children to the hospital after delivery. Sometimes this was later the same evening if baby was born early and other times it was the next day. It all depended on what else the children had going on that evening, as well as their grandparents.

During the initial visit, let your older children meet their newest sibling. Our always wanted to take a turn holding the baby. They also wanted to lay down with mom too. Give them some time to snuggle and meet the newest member of their family and maybe even learn the baby’s name and anything special about them. This also lets your newborn get to know their older siblings too.

When you notice attention starting to wane, especially with your second youngest (or the old baby), then it’s time for presents. Let your newborn give their big siblings a gift from the baby. Not only will your other children love that their baby got them something special, but this gives the grandparents something to do with the older children tomorrow or the next day. Another tip, when you older children get a little jealous of all the attention baby gets, remind them of the gift baby got for them.

Invite Children Into Baby’s Routines

Finally, incorporate your older children into the new routines with the new baby. Look for simple ways you can give your children a job or special responsibility to help their new baby. Ours definitely loved being helpers and sometimes even made up their own jobs to help out.

It might involve helping pick out his/her clothes for the day, throwing away a diaper, reading a book while snuggling your baby and toddler, turning on the baby monitor, showing the baby new toys during tummy time, and even helping to teach the baby some sign language. See my blog post on tummy time for some fun ideas to keep tummy time fun. Any small little things that they can do to help build feelings of importance and love. By building a bond between your older children and your new baby, you are assisting both with their butterfly transformation.

And of course, remember to give yourself some grace. You deserve a few weeks to focus on bonding with your new baby too! Be sure to check out my post on Bring Baby Home. Leave us a comment below with any other tips you have for welcoming a new baby.

Hi, I’m Nicole.

Here at Creatingbutterflies we provide families with practical solutions to real life problems for everything parenting, scouting, dual language, and enjoying time outdoors. We are a family of 6 with 4 wonderful becoming bilingual children who loves scouting, camping, and hiking with their family. Mom is an educator and dad is a firefighter/paramedic.